Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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