just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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