He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
