I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
