That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
