I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
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Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
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151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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