I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
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just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
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Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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