I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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