I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
