Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
