So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
