and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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