the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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