I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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