Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
