I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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