ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
