my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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