first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
