Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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