Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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