I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
