My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
