i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
