there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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