he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
