you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
