I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?