i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy