There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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