Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
