Even the bartender felt bad for me
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
