he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
