i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Its about making memories worth repressing
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
