this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
