That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
