It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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