You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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