too bad you live with your parents still
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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