does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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