Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
