So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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