porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
