At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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