another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
