I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
