Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
