He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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