so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
