dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
