margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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