some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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