I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
