I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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