So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
