I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
