so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
