Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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