You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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