Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
