and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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