well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
