i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
